If you fell asleep and someone replaced your teeth with tiny marshmallows when would you notice? I don’t eat in the morning. I’m not hungry until I've had my first episode of the day. You know what i mean when i say episode. An episode could be a light morning workout like a quick jump on the tramp, short for trampoline, or walking my dog Rachel to the park, short for parking garage where i let her take a shit beside my noisy neighbors SUV, leaving the tiniest morsel of dung behind as I bag it so he suspects i was there. Then i eat. I like a good fluffy pancake or a smoothie with enough Kale to smother a tribe of holistic dread heads. Could i chew with marshmallow teeth? Or would it be like my gums are having a pillow fight with a pillowy pancake. So much pillow talk. I guess my mouth is a Bed, Bath and Beyond at this point and all i want to do is fill my stomach with some delicious sustenance. Who replaced my teeth with tiny white marshmallows? This should have been my first question. I can only imagine it was one of the troubled youth who lives across the street from me in that unruly group home. Could a group home kid sneak into my room at night while i lay in slumber and through the power of dentistry fuse small marshmallows to my jaw? Kids shouldn't be allowed on the internet. There’s too much at stake. The other day i built a fire. My plan was to stick my mouth in the fire and melt the marshmallows right off my gums. Now my marshmallow teeth are a slight golden brown and the kids from the group home lick their lips and stare when i fake smile at them. What am I to do? I woke up this morning and the marshmallows were gone. I had teeth again. Regular bone teeth. I may never find out who replaced my teeth with marshmallows but i can tell you this.... Next time i hope they replace my teeth with mirrors so they can see the monster they've become as they play god with my mouth.